Black Mothers Tell Their Sons to Defend Themselves When They Get “Bullied”; White Mothers Call CNN Because Someone Said Something Mean
I was 8 years old at summer camp in South Dallas. My mom in the 90s was a mid level manager in corporate america. Relatively middle class, not a hoodrat, never drug addicted, never a welfare queen. I asked her if I could stop going to that camp and stay at my Granny’s house around the corner until she got off of work. I suspect that the reason my mother had me go to that camp was because we lived in a town called Red Oak, which is 30 minutes south of Dallas, and it was 95% white. During the school year, only 4 other black kids in the entire school. So one day my mom remarked that I was becoming too white. I liked Brittany Spears, Nsync, etc. Basically I needed to fit in around other people who looked like me at the end of the day; which is a natural wish for a parent to have for their child in their formative years. One day after I asked her to take me out of that camp, I told her that some boys were messing with me. I’ve always been a loner, and that will never change; but my mom told me to do something that terrified me.
She told me to DEFEND MYSELF.
She said if any of those boys mess with you again, you knock them across their jaw.
And the next day….. I did that. I beat one boy’s ass so bad he started crying.
Later that day, I hit a girl- although this doesn’t count. She was in the 9th grade, and I was 8 years old. I ain’t gonna lie; she got me good.
Nonetheless, I was pulled out of that camp (or maybe suspended?) for 2 weeks, and when I came back? I had my piece of mind, and none of those kids EVER messed with me again.
When I was in my early 20s, I observed something that kinda fucked with me a bit.
The lamest black kid in ANY hood- and I mean what black folks typically consider a lame; skateboarding, anime watching, etc- could get a decent looking white girl without trying too hard. All he had to do was go out to the suburbs and get a job at Pizza Hut or Target and be himself.
This story that I must go on a rampage over, and the comments in it shows perhaps why. Being a simp is the same as being a weak, spineless man. And in an environment where 70% of marriages within 10 years are over, most of us grow up with a sporadic influence from our fathers. Boys who grow up having their mothers intervene on their behalf grow up not being able to deal with adversity.
Alot of you know what I am talking about, and admittedly I was one of those boys. You know? The parent that cusses out the coach because her boy didn’t get to play. The parent that berates the teacher for disciplining him, even though he’s been a disrupting influence the whole year.
“It’s just been really heartbreaking, especially because I know a lot of these boys bullying him. He’s been at the school since second grade,” Shannon said. “If their moms knew, they’d be horrified. But my son doesn’t want me to tell them because it will just get worse.”
Shannon here shows the difference between most black moms and white moms. If you know most of those boys, if your son grew up with those kids and they reach teenage years and he’s getting teased (NOT BULLIED), then the problem is not the other boys, it’s the parent. As someone who had very low self esteem as a teenager and young adult, I am very much aware of the conflict that boys often have in their minds between wanting to be loyal to their loving mothers and telling them to FUCK OFF because they are the ones making it worse. Shannon’s son is already at a disadvantage being at a private school, as a teenager, when he goes to college, and finally when he gets out into the world.
You know it’s the worst feeling in the world for child who’s a mama’s boy to disappoint our mothers. That’s why so many of us that were underdeveloped in this generation never really grow up; part of growing up and becoming our own Men means that we have to go against the seemingly elder wisdom (conventional) of our mothers. And what I mean by that is, when you are a low self-esteem beta male as a young kid and you get a girlfriend- almost ALWAYS your own mother finds something wrong with her. Trust me…. It ALWAYS happens. And it’s not the girl, it’s not because of her disapproving of his choice- it’s the fact that now the mother sees her influence over her possession waning.
The reason I use the term “her possession” is because that’s what being a SIMP is, it’s being a possessive, low-value, low self-esteem, desperate male. And we inherit these tendencies from our single mothers.
This mom that knows most of the boys that her son is getting teased by, probably knows nice girls that he should pursue. Now there’s no way of knowing their situation and dynamic because of one desperate-for-work travel writer’s article- but does anyone ever dare to ask the girl why she isn’t interested in dating him? What would happen if the mother suggested that he date another girl? Would he point out HER peculiarities that are a turn-off? Would he say, “well she doesn’t like me either”? What would happen?
You see, it’s a very ugly reality- and I don’t like pointing out the racial dynamics of why your boy is soft and why a black boy can be just as sensitive and emotionally immature but can get the girl, and your boy can’t. It’s because what we consider to be “bullying” and dangerous is vastly different.
You consider being teased in the way boys naturally playfully banter with each other as bullying. Black boys slap-box and play-fight with one another. You and your softness would consider that glorification of violence.
Black boys, and boys in very distinct ethic backgrounds or lower middle class backgrounds don’t have the luxury of considering being called names as “BULLYING”. Bullying to us boys in the real world is when you stand up for yourself at 13 or 14 years old, and now your head is on a swivel walking home because you might get jumped by some gangbangers.
As ugly as that reality is, you learn to pick your battles. You instinctively learn when you are actually in a life or death situation. You see how your actions cause a reaction. In these situations, you will learn that there isn’t really anything wrong with me- THEY are the ones that are bothered.
